Thoughts-scrambeled and messy.

I wished upon a shooting star
A long long time ago
I wish upon a shooting star
I wished that you wouldn't go..
I wished so hard..and prayed and prayed
that you would stay with me
By my side....

You were my strength...i gave you my soul
You wer my world...

Yet somewhere along the way...I stumbled...
Yet somewhere along the way...I was stupid
And now...you are gone..

(so much for wishing upon a star...)

But that was a long long time ago..
Back then..I was a child..there was a lot I dint not know.

Years have passed..and alot has changed.
A hundred tears or more I'v shed...
Mistakes Iv made over and over again.

I saw you one day as I hid behind the tree..
I saw you with her...you seemed as happy as can be.
and I know this isnt right..
But I have just one question to ask you.

Over the many years...
Have you ever once thought of me?
Have you ever cried into your pillow
wishing that you could just talk to me?
Have you looked around the corner
wishing you could see me?

I know its wrong, this question I ask you.
but i'm deeply sorry..
because I haven't forgotten you.
I try and I try...quite often it works.
There you go again...creeping back into my brain.

You were my strength...I gave you my soul
You were my world...

But now time has passed...
And I must move on..
It hasn't been easy
Not one bit..not even for a second...
...not once, not at all.


But honestly,
I'm truly happy for you..
(even though my heart is broken beyond repair..)
I'm happy for you..and glad that you have someone who loves you and cares.
I wish you good luck
from now till the end.
And i hope she knows how lucky she is..
To have you in her life..
with so much love that you share.


And I hope some day that I may also find..
that warmth,
that safety,
that love .

But for now, I work
on mending my broken  heart
For now, I work.
I need a fresh start.

For now,
All I can do is hope..


[written on 21/04/2011]

Stages: Denial,Confusion and Anger

ever feel like there is this one memory
that you wish to erase?
wish to forget?
 Wished that never happened?

 Yet at the same time
dont ever want to forget it?
 you dont ever want to forget it,
that you keep replaying the memories
every time they begin to get hazy?

 Have you ever loved someone
 so much that you wished you didn't??
Because never loving them
would hurt a lot lesser
than still being in love with them
long after they have gone?

Where do you go from there?
How do you pick up the pieces
 of your broken heart, and fix it?..

 Still.. you don't want to fix it entirely,
because you know fixing it
 would mean erasing the memories.

 As much as I wish to believe I've moved on,
 It's harder than you could ever imagine.
 It hurts not to think about you,
It hurts even more to think about you. 


To that person,I write this:

 Part of me wants to hear your voice again, part of me wants to just get back to the way things were- the pain, the trickery, the shame.

But a part of me  also wishes you were dead.


[Written on 2/20/2011]