To the one who screwed me up.

to you,

I'm trying to think of what i would to say to you
if we had to cross paths one day.

trying to put my thoughts into  a sentence.

trying to not want to break your face.
.

After you hid me behind the curtains,
 so no one could see

how you played with my brain and my heart
How you lied and played me.

Oh! and how i believed you?!

Such a fool i was!

to think that you loved me,

to think that you were my all.

to think that i could trust you.
to think that you would catch me
If i ever did fall.

but when i caught you red handed,
juggling with my heart.

all you had to say was,

"oh come on now sweet cherry,

im a man...this is what we do
If you looked any better I wouldn't have to do this to you"

You made me hate you.

You messed with my brain!!!

you made me believe that

I was the one to be blamed!

And how i believed you,

Such a fool i was!!

But now my darling ,

i just want to say thank you.

Thank you,

for ripping my heart out

and showing me things that i could never see.

Your theories on life.
All the bullshit you fed me.

you made me believe that was

how love was meant to be!

My darling , my beloved
Every time i tried to leave,
you begged, you pleaded
told me things would change,
you told me you really did like me!
Like me!!!!
Oh! how i believed you.
Such a fool i was.


You know not how long it has taken me to try to move on.
I will not lie to you,
I still think about you ever so often.
there are moments when i just want to see your face.
To tell you all the things I was too afraid to.
To tell you that your such a disgrace.

But my darling,my beloved,
Thank you for making me feel worthless,
For telling me that you were the best i would get.

My sweetness,
You once told me that we were together
Not because you thought i was beautiful,
Not because i was pretty,
Not because you fel in love with me,
But because you felt sorry for me.

And for that my love,
I thank you with all my heart.

It took me forever to be able to breathe again,
It took me forever to start sleeping properly again,
It took me forever, but it's taken me far away
from all the bull shit you fed me
from all the games you played.

My darling, My beloved.
I did want to  see you die,
I did want to see you vanish.

But now my sweet, my darling,
I only want to see you in pain.

I want to see you struggle,
I want to see you suffer,
I want to see you in pain.

I wanted you to feel the way you made me feel.
I wanted you to feel broken beyond repair.


[Written on 2/10/2012]